A friend (we’ll call her Mother 1) in the ward called me to chat. The subject moved to discussing her dating aged daughter who had not yet been asked out on a date. Most boys in the ward only wanted to play video games on Fridays and Saturdays. There was one boy, however, who all the girls thought was supercute and charming. He was the one guy the girls wanted to date. According to my friend on the phone, he had snubbed her daughter and all the girls and went on a date with the one girl in the ward who was gregarious, flirtatious, bold, and prone to “hang all over the guys.” “It’s not right that the girl that gets the date is not one of the girls trying to do things right. We tell these girls that boys don’t want girls like that but then they do.” I was sympathetic . So this was my conversation, the lamenting of the boys in the ward, some who are too nerdy as gamers to care and the boys that only like the flirty girls. Her daughter as well as other girls in the ward were frustrated. Girls want to date. They just do! And, it’s true that dating outside of the church can be risky and disappointing since rarely do typical teenage boys even think about having dating standards nor do they get the church lesson on dating standards nor do they get that sit down interview by their father and/or mother to discuss dating rules, standards, expectations, long term repercussions…….. A traditionally raised LDS girl accustomed to thinking a date means a movie and popcorn and a peck on the cheek will be shocked when her pimply 16 year old date pulls out a flask and condoms. So yeah, dating outside the church can be tenuous.
Soon after this phone call I was talking to another friend. I asked about her daughter. She sighed that motherly sigh of worry. See here, her daughter was the gregarious flirty girl that “hot guy” from above took on a date. She relayed to me that her daughter was frustrated because she only got asked out at school by the bad boys and the nice boys weren’t asking her out. She just wanted her daughter to go on an LDS date, you know, food, fun….no pressure for sex, no drugs or drinking. Mother 2 swore me to secrecy as she told me that she had asked “HotGuy’s” mom to ask “HotGuy” to ask her gregarious daughter on a proper double date. Which, of course, I knew he did because remember Mother 1 from the previous phone call was all in a tizzy about it. Apparently the date went well and she was happy that her daughter got a taste of a proper date.
Circumstances are not always what they seem. But here we have two loving mothers, concerned over their daughters, both wanting to help in some way. I’m positive if Mother 1 had called HotGuy’s mother and asked for the same favor, it would have happened. But, often we are quick to see an issue and be put on the defense or offense. Mother 2, acknowledged a problem then sought a solution. Mother 1, and even Me, had a different opinion of the whole thing at first. I never did tell Mother 1, but I think if she had known, I think it would have been a good thing. But I promised.